Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
