I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
