Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
