Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
