Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
