I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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