so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
