It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
