Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
