Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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