this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
