I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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