You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
