there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
