Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
