READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
