My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
