used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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