the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
