Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
