I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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