You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
