I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
