He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
