Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
