i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
are you so shy because you have an std?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
