I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
