when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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