his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
