I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
