There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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