i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
