Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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