my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is it penis luge time yet?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
