The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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