dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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