Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
