OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
