yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
