I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
