i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I have post one night stand depression
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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