Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
