There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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