I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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