Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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