I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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