my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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