I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
