i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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