I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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