He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
