I think my vagina is haunted
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
